Showing only articles tagged with
Attachment Theory
< Back to all articles

What’s a Disturbed Sense of Self? How Do I Know if I Have One?

  • Post author:
  • Post published:December 7, 2022
  • Reading time:2 mins read
  • Healing Modality:

Client: Can you describe what disturbances in sense of self might look or feel like? For some reason this resonates with me and I believe it may be what I experienced from a very young age.

Cedric: Sure, first off, early attachment experiences lay the developmental basis for 1. our most core internal map of close relationships, 2. our ability to emotionally self regulate, 3. our ability to explore, and 4. our self of self.

Disturbances in the sense of self can be multifaceted, for example:

  • The sense that I don’t know what I want
  • I have no opinions or feel like I only have a very tentative grasp on my opinions and desires
  • What I want doesn’t matter
  • I lack agency and control over my life
  • I don’t feel good about myself (poor self esteem)
  • I don’t feel like I can separate myself from others even when that is the right thing to do (enmeshment)
  • I can’t make my own decisions

Also dissociation is a disturbance of the sense of self as there are parts of the self that aren’t communicating with each other.

Continue ReadingWhat’s a Disturbed Sense of Self? How Do I Know if I Have One?

It Is a Healthy Self that Can Be in a Secure Relationship: The Healthy Adult Mode and How to Strengthen it with Guided Visualization Meditation

  • Post author:
  • Post published:November 29, 2022
  • Reading time:2 mins read
  • Healing Modalities:

One of the primary goals of healing work is to develop the Healthy Adult.

Specifically, developing the Healthy Adult is an important piece of developing Earned Secure Attachment.

The Healthy Adult is confident, balanced, in touch with their emotions, and able to relate well with others. Everyone has a Healthy Adult to varying degrees of development.

The Healthy Adult can be understood as having two major groupings of positive traits:

1. Strength based traits

The strength based traits are comprised of (drawing from Jeffrey Young’s ‘Healthy Adult Mode’, Dan Brown’s ‘Best Self’, and The Third School of Cognitive Therapy’s metacognitive skills):

  • Healthy self definition (knowing who you are and what you are about)
  • Assertiveness
  • A well developed sense of agency (internal locus of control)
  • Well developed ability to explore
  • Healthy self esteem
  • Metacognitive skills
  • Stress tolerance and emotional self-regulation skills

2.

Continue ReadingIt Is a Healthy Self that Can Be in a Secure Relationship: The Healthy Adult Mode and How to Strengthen it with Guided Visualization Meditation

How Do I Embody Secure Attachment?

  • Post author:
  • Post published:November 29, 2022
  • Reading time:2 mins read
  • Healing Modalities:

Can you expect to have relationships with someone who has Secure Attachment when you don’t?

Maybe or maybe not. But surely it’s easier to find a secure partner and even secure friends when you yourself have Secure Attachment.

But then how do you develop Earned Secure Attachment if you don’t have it?

Well first off let’s map out what secure attachment looks like in adults.

Then we’ll discuss how you get it.

Continue ReadingHow Do I Embody Secure Attachment?

Four Meditations for Experiencing the Mind States of Secure, Dismissing, Preoccupied and Disorganized Attachment

  • Post author:
  • Post published:November 1, 2022
  • Reading time:1 mins read
  • Healing Modality:

These are guided meditations that guide you through the experience of the four major attachment styles as a mind state. These can be a bit triggering, but very enlightening.

https://attachmentrepair.com/meditation/dismissing-vs-secure-mind-state/

https://attachmentrepair.com/meditation/experiencing-the-dismissing-mind-state/

https://attachmentrepair.com/meditation/experiencing-the-disorganized-mindstate/

https://attachmentrepair.com/meditation/experiencing-the-preoccupied-mind-state/

Continue ReadingFour Meditations for Experiencing the Mind States of Secure, Dismissing, Preoccupied and Disorganized Attachment

Treating Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) with Meditation

  • Post author:
  • Post published:September 30, 2022
  • Reading time:3 mins read
  • Healing Modality:

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) describes the condition of someone who has symptoms of PTSD in addition to other compounding symptoms such as difficulty regulating emotions, feelings of anger or hopelessness, and a lack of trust in others. It is caused by repeated, prolonged exposure to traumatic events, often early in life or in other situations in which escape from a traumatic environment is not possible. Recent research has begun to explore the connection between trauma and attachment.

Treating trauma is normally done in three phases.

Continue ReadingTreating Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) with Meditation

Developing Better Exploration Skills as an Important Part of the Path to Secure Attachment

  • Post author:
  • Post published:July 9, 2022
  • Reading time:4 mins read
  • Healing Modality:

Exploration is the ability to go after what is meaningful to us. We rely on our exploration ability to understand what we really want, plan how to get it, and follow through. However for those of us with Insecure Attachment our exploration skills are often underdeveloped.

John Bowlby, the founder of Attachment Theory, proposed that a “good enough” caregiver would provide a stable base for the child. When care is readily available and of good quality, the child is able to confidently explore away from the secure base.

Continue ReadingDeveloping Better Exploration Skills as an Important Part of the Path to Secure Attachment

I Am Triggered – What Can I Do?

  • Post author:
  • Post published:March 1, 2022
  • Reading time:4 mins read
  • Healing Modality:

When practising meditation with the goal of working on attachment, you may occasionally find yourself triggered by strong emotional experiences or memories. You might have anxious symptoms such as a racing heart or shortness of breath, or you might simply have a feeling of being overwhelmed. What to do when triggered after meditation is the same as what you can do when triggered in other circumstances, and there are always ways you can ground yourself. Here are some of our suggestions for how to return to your centre and find calm when triggered.

Continue ReadingI Am Triggered – What Can I Do?

The 18 Schemas of Jeffrey Young’s Schema Therapy Contextualized with Attachment Theory

  • Post author:
  • Post published:January 26, 2022
  • Reading time:3 mins read
  • Healing Modalities:

Schemas are emotional beliefs/memories/predictions about self, other, and world.

In this article, we offer our definitions for the 18 early maladaptive Schemas and our view on how they relate to the Attachment Styles.

Most Schemas will be categorized in terms of the Dismissing/Preoccupied dichotomy.

Note that Disorganized attachment implies both Dismissing and Preoccupied components. For that reason, all of the schemas can be found in Disorganized attachment. However, the Mistrust/Abuse schema stands out as a defining schema of Disorganized Attachment.

Continue ReadingThe 18 Schemas of Jeffrey Young’s Schema Therapy Contextualized with Attachment Theory

Tips on Creating a Safe Space for Imaginal Work

  • Post author:
  • Post published:August 19, 2021
  • Reading time:7 mins read
  • Healing Modalities:

These tips on creating a safe space for practice were originally shared by a long-term Attachment Repair student in our Slack community.

 

I wanted to share my process and tips for building an imaginal safe space. I use this space as a foundation for all my attachment/schema work. Basically, that’s where I prepare for the ‘main’ work, and it’s a container and location for imagery. I also use it to hunker down when I feel anxious or overwhelmed, and sometimes to help me fall asleep.

Continue ReadingTips on Creating a Safe Space for Imaginal Work

The Schema Modes as They Relate to Attachment Styles

  • Post author:
  • Post published:August 16, 2021
  • Reading time:7 mins read
  • Healing Modalities:

Disclaimer: These are my personal opinions. In this, I am drawing from Jeffrey Young’s work on Schema Therapy, and Attachment Theory more generally.

I believe that the Attachment styles can be viewed as clusters of schemas and modes; schemas being beliefs about self and world, and the necessary behaviors (modes) that result from those beliefs. The modes represent the coherent behavioral manifestations of the schemas.

Insecure Attachment is associated with impaired emotional self-regulation. The Coping Modes are those emotional regulation strategies that avoid “an even greater suffering”, as Bruce Ecker says.

Continue ReadingThe Schema Modes as They Relate to Attachment Styles

Schemas as They Relate to Attachment Styles

  • Post author:
  • Post published:July 23, 2021
  • Reading time:1 mins read
  • Healing Modalities:

This list is based on my perspective as to how Jeffrey Young’s ‘Early Maladaptive Schemas’ relate to Insecure Attachment. More info on the 18 schemas here: http://www.schematherapy.com/id73.htm

 

General Insecurity

11 – Insufficient Self Control / Self Discipline

 

Dismissing Attachment

3 – Emotional Deprivation (central)
4 – Defectiveness / Shame (central)
5 – Social Isolation / Alienation

12 – Subjugation
13 – Self Sacrifice
14 – Approval Seeking / Recognition Seeking
10 – Entitlement / Grandiosity
17 – Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness
18 – Punitiveness

 

Preoccupied Attachment

1 – Abandonment / Instability (central)
3 – Emotional Deprivation
6 – Dependence / Incompetence
7 – Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
8 – Enmeshment / Undeveloped Self
9 – Failure to Achieve
15 – Negativity / Pessimism

 

Disorganized Attachment

1 – Abandonment / Instability
2 – Mistrust / Abuse (central) (additionally: fear and manipulation)
3 – Emotional Deprivation
4 – Defectiveness / Shame
5 – Social Isolation / Alienation
6 – Dependence / Incompetence
7 – Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
8 – Enmeshment / Undeveloped Self
9 – Failure to Achieve
10 – Entitlement / Grandiosity
12 – Subjugation
13 – Self Sacrifice
14 – Approval Seeking / Recognition Seeking
15 – Negativity / Pessimism
17 – Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness
18 – Punitiveness

You can also read about how the attachment styles relate to schema modes, the behaviors that necessarily result from the schemas above.

Continue ReadingSchemas as They Relate to Attachment Styles

Can You Change Your Attachment Style and if so How?

  • Post author:
  • Post published:June 27, 2021
  • Reading time:5 mins read
  • Healing Modality:

Can you change your attachment style? Yes, you can. But, there are many important considerations to keep in mind.

Attachment conditioning dictates much of how we behave in relationships, view ourselves, how well we explore our world, and how good we are at emotional self regulation (Brown et al., 2016). This conditioning is largely determined very early on between the ages of six and twenty-four months (and to a lesser degree up to three years). The conditioning that takes place at this time occurs at the procedural or implicit level, which is pre-verbal.

Continue ReadingCan You Change Your Attachment Style and if so How?