Articles

• Secure attachment is caused by good enough parenting in terms of getting the following (The first five in the list draw from Dan Brown & David Elliott’s 2016 book “Attachment Disturbances in Adults”):

• safety & protection
• attunement, feeling seen and know
• soothing, physical affection
• expressed delight
• support for explorations
• unconditional/reliable love (no having to worry that love is conditional)
• guidance & boundary setting
• problem-solving within the zone of proximal development
• sense of belonging (largely a result of entrainment and synchronization of mental and physical states)
  

We do visualization meditation where you imagine receiving attunement and then you fabricate the felt sense of receiving attunement. Simply doing this works. Consider giving it a try by doing one of these meditations.

The entrainment and synchronization of mental and physical states is the felt sense that you experience similar mental and physical states as the attachment figure. It is one of the nine factors that brings about secure attachment.
It plays an important part in bonding process and helps people emotionally co-regulate. This is especially important as it helps with emotional regulation and the sense of belonging. The sense of belonging helps militate against feeling socially isolated and alienated which is a common schema in people with insecure attachment.

 

This is Jessica O’Garr’s Schema Mode Process Diagram.  It’s a visual for helping to understand schema therapy as a whole and the coping modes particularly.  I modified it a bit.

Below is a similar Schema Mode Model which Amir Askari and I collaborated on.  The primary addition to this graphic is Askari’s three new coping styles and subordinate coping modes. Amir introduces these new coping styles in his 2021 book: New Concepts of Schema Therapy: (The 6 Coping Styles).

Reflective function (mentalization, meta-cognition) refers to the ability to think about and make sense of one’s own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It is an important aspect of mental health and well-being, as it allows individuals to self-regulate their emotions and behaviors, and to make meaning of their experiences.

Attachment security, on the other hand, refers to the ability to form and maintain close, supportive relationships with others. Attachment security is often thought to be influenced by early experiences with caregivers, and it can have a significant impact on an individual’s mental health and well-being.

How do insecure attachment and mindfulness interrelate? To have insecure attachment means that we fall into ‘fixed reactive habit patterns’.  We enact an old emotional memory/prediction in a way that is non-responsive to the present moment.  This is in contradistinction to having the capacity to ‘respond’ adaptively based on how things currently are.  This is a central feature of insecure attachment. One benefit of mindfulness is that we have a bit more consciousness and lead-time to consider the situation that we are in and respond instead of just reacting.

What is the Imago technique?

 

Imago is a form of couples therapy developed by Harville Hendrix, a clinical pastoral counselor and marriage and family therapist. It is based on the idea that we are attracted to and choose partners who have both positive and negative qualities that are similar to those of our primary caregivers, and that conflicts in our relationships can be seen as opportunities for growth and healing.

The Imago therapy process involves a series of structured exercises and conversations designed to help couples better understand and communicate with each other, resolve conflicts, and deepen their connection and intimacy.