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It Is a Healthy Self that Can Be in a Secure Relationship: The Healthy Adult Mode and How to Strengthen it with Guided Visualization Meditation

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  • Post published:November 29, 2022
  • Reading time:2 mins read
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One of the primary goals of healing work is to develop the Healthy Adult.

Specifically, developing the Healthy Adult is an important piece of developing Earned Secure Attachment.

The Healthy Adult is confident, balanced, in touch with their emotions, and able to relate well with others. Everyone has a Healthy Adult to varying degrees of development.

The Healthy Adult can be understood as having two major groupings of positive traits:

1. Strength based traits

The strength based traits are comprised of (drawing from Jeffrey Young’s ‘Healthy Adult Mode’, Dan Brown’s ‘Best Self’, and The Third School of Cognitive Therapy’s metacognitive skills):

  • Healthy self definition (knowing who you are and what you are about)
  • Assertiveness
  • A well developed sense of agency (internal locus of control)
  • Well developed ability to explore
  • Healthy self esteem
  • Metacognitive skills
  • Stress tolerance and emotional self-regulation skills

2.

Continue ReadingIt Is a Healthy Self that Can Be in a Secure Relationship: The Healthy Adult Mode and How to Strengthen it with Guided Visualization Meditation

How Do I Embody Secure Attachment?

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  • Post published:November 29, 2022
  • Reading time:2 mins read
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Can you expect to have relationships with someone who has Secure Attachment when you don’t?

Maybe or maybe not. But surely it’s easier to find a secure partner and even secure friends when you yourself have Secure Attachment.

But then how do you develop Earned Secure Attachment if you don’t have it?

Well first off let’s map out what secure attachment looks like in adults.

Then we’ll discuss how you get it.

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Notes on How to Work with Healing Deeply Rooted Fear

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  • Post published:September 14, 2022
  • Reading time:1 mins read
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In cases where fear is persistently stonger than seems “reasonable”, the Mistrust and Abuse Schema is often quite strong, and so it’s important to prioritize working on it early in the healing process.

  • If doing a confrontation scene, focus on protection and safety.
  • The Perfect Nurturers back you up, give you power and moral authority

The material in the “Working through Disorganized Attachment” course is very relevant, in particular the guided meditations.

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The 18 Schemas of Jeffrey Young’s Schema Therapy Contextualized with Attachment Theory

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  • Post published:January 26, 2022
  • Reading time:3 mins read
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Schemas are emotional beliefs/memories/predictions about self, other, and world.

In this article, we offer our definitions for the 18 early maladaptive Schemas and our view on how they relate to the Attachment Styles.

Most Schemas will be categorized in terms of the Dismissing/Preoccupied dichotomy.

Note that Disorganized attachment implies both Dismissing and Preoccupied components. For that reason, all of the schemas can be found in Disorganized attachment. However, the Mistrust/Abuse schema stands out as a defining schema of Disorganized Attachment.

Continue ReadingThe 18 Schemas of Jeffrey Young’s Schema Therapy Contextualized with Attachment Theory

How to Change Negative Beliefs with Meditation (Schema Repatterning Meditation)

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  • Post published:December 21, 2021
  • Reading time:3 mins read
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Here we present a step by step guide on how to meditate to change negative beliefs about self and world (schemas) and related symptoms (modes). The system is called Schema Repatterning Meditation.

  1. Identify what I want to work on.
    1. Schema: a negative emotional belief about self, other, and world (if you know it you can work on it directly).
    2. Mode: a part with a behavioral component that tends to cause you suffering (symptom) (may be easier to see).
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Tips on Creating a Safe Space for Imaginal Work

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  • Post published:August 19, 2021
  • Reading time:7 mins read
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These tips on creating a safe space for practice were originally shared by a long-term Attachment Repair student in our Slack community.

 

I wanted to share my process and tips for building an imaginal safe space. I use this space as a foundation for all my attachment/schema work. Basically, that’s where I prepare for the ‘main’ work, and it’s a container and location for imagery. I also use it to hunker down when I feel anxious or overwhelmed, and sometimes to help me fall asleep.

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The Schema Modes as They Relate to Attachment Styles

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  • Post published:August 16, 2021
  • Reading time:7 mins read
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Disclaimer: These are my personal opinions. In this, I am drawing from Jeffrey Young’s work on Schema Therapy, and Attachment Theory more generally.

I believe that the Attachment styles can be viewed as clusters of schemas and modes; schemas being beliefs about self and world, and the necessary behaviors (modes) that result from those beliefs. The modes represent the coherent behavioral manifestations of the schemas.

Insecure Attachment is associated with impaired emotional self-regulation. The Coping Modes are those emotional regulation strategies that avoid “an even greater suffering”, as Bruce Ecker says.

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Schemas as They Relate to Attachment Styles

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  • Post published:July 23, 2021
  • Reading time:1 mins read
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This list is based on my perspective as to how Jeffrey Young’s ‘Early Maladaptive Schemas’ relate to Insecure Attachment. More info on the 18 schemas here: http://www.schematherapy.com/id73.htm

 

General Insecurity

11 – Insufficient Self Control / Self Discipline

 

Dismissing Attachment

3 – Emotional Deprivation (central)
4 – Defectiveness / Shame (central)
5 – Social Isolation / Alienation

12 – Subjugation
13 – Self Sacrifice
14 – Approval Seeking / Recognition Seeking
10 – Entitlement / Grandiosity
17 – Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness
18 – Punitiveness

 

Preoccupied Attachment

1 – Abandonment / Instability (central)
3 – Emotional Deprivation
6 – Dependence / Incompetence
7 – Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
8 – Enmeshment / Undeveloped Self
9 – Failure to Achieve
15 – Negativity / Pessimism

 

Disorganized Attachment

1 – Abandonment / Instability
2 – Mistrust / Abuse (central) (additionally: fear and manipulation)
3 – Emotional Deprivation
4 – Defectiveness / Shame
5 – Social Isolation / Alienation
6 – Dependence / Incompetence
7 – Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
8 – Enmeshment / Undeveloped Self
9 – Failure to Achieve
10 – Entitlement / Grandiosity
12 – Subjugation
13 – Self Sacrifice
14 – Approval Seeking / Recognition Seeking
15 – Negativity / Pessimism
17 – Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness
18 – Punitiveness

You can also read about how the attachment styles relate to schema modes, the behaviors that necessarily result from the schemas above.

Continue ReadingSchemas as They Relate to Attachment Styles

How to Work through the Schemas – Step by Step

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  • Post published:May 5, 2021
  • Reading time:1 mins read
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Here is a brief guide on how to work through the Schemas.

  1. Identify which Schemas you have. A reliable way to get insight on this is to take the Schema Inventory.
  2. Pick the particular Schema that you want to work on.
  3. Activate the Schema and come into the mental state by bringing up auditory thoughts, image thoughts and body sensations and emotions that are associated with the Schema.
Continue ReadingHow to Work through the Schemas – Step by Step