Attachment Theory

Attachment is our ‘relational psychology’.  Early childhood experiences impact how we we think and feel about the ourselves, loved ones, our models for what a close relationship is, and the world at large.

When we are protected, comforted, and cared for consistently in childhood, then in adulthood, we generally have good mental health, a healthy sense of self, and close relationships work pretty well. These experiences of good care result in secure attachment.

However, in childhood, when we don’t get good-enough care, comfort, and protection then we develop insecure attachment.  Insecure attachment predicts greater psychological problems in adulthood, relationship difficulties, problems with self-esteem, etc.

What are Dismissing Avoidant and Fearful Avoidant Attachment?

First, it’s important to understand how dismissing avoidant and fearful avoidant attachment are conceptualized in this course. This differs from the mainstream/Main-Goldwyn(Berkeley) Model

In this course, the conceptualization of Dismissing Avoidant and Fearful Avoidant Attachment will, largely, align with the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment developed by Patricia Crittenden and colleagues. This model is rigorous and has greater validation than the more out-of-date model of attachment that is more commonly used (Main, Goldwyn, & Hess etc, the “Berkley Model”).  A comparison of the models can be seen here in this paper.

In this model the person with dismissing avoidant attachment:

1. denies their own needs
2. has a lot of shame (I am bad) and excessive guilt (I did something bad and should make up for it)
3. feels undeserving.
4. dismisses/represses their own negative emotions
5. is more oriented around time, temporal condigencies (if this then that, when this than that), and less emotional (tends towards emotional de-activation)
6. tends to view and judge self through the eyes of others
7. blames self excessively and denies negative behaviors of others (exculpates others excessively)
8. often is overly responsible for themselves and others
9. often compulsively caretakes others
10. often feels a compulsion to perform and comply to others’ standards, excessively
11. is inclined to depression
12. tends to be excessively easy going with others, to a fault
13. idealizes others (tends to see others in an exceedingly good light)
14. can struggle with eye contact and emotional intimacy
15. often has unresolved ‘big-t’ trauma
16. internalizes/deny their own problems, less inclined to impose on others or ask for help

In addition to struggling with the above list, the person with fearful avoidant attachment (a more severe and traumatized version of dismissing avoidant attachment)

1. can be socially isolated or only have superficial social connections
2. is significantly dissociated from their own emotions and sense of self
3. can have dissociative outbursts of anger, violence, despair that feel disintegrated from general sense of self which can feel like a ‘possession’: “I don’t know where that came from.  It didn’t feel like me.”
4. can delusionally excuse people who were abusive to them
5. always has significant unresolved traumas
6. is very likely to experience significant bouts of depression
7. has some somatic symptoms (pains in the body, nervous tics, etc)

This Course’s Model for Healing Attachment:  The Guided Meditation Sequence

The meditations in this course are structured to build progressively, with each one laying the foundation for the next meditation.

The Pattern:  1) Resourcing -> 2) Somatic Trauma Processing -> 3) Reflective Integration -> 4) Emotionally Corrective Experience

1. Resourcing Meditation consists of imagining ideal parents/perfect nurturers that will protect us, attune to us, and comfort us around the issues that we’ll be working through in this meditation and coming meditations.  This builds up the basic resources to do the later meditations.
2. Somatic Processing Meditation helps integrate and resolve the subconscious, pre-cognitive/pre-emotional reactions of tensions and shock carried in the body and ‘deep brain’ (brain-stem, pariaqueductal grey etc) which resulted from early negative experience in question.
3. Reflective Integration Meditation guides us to understand, process, feel, and ultimately resolve the distortions caused by early negative experiences.  This is a complex meditation that is more focused on meta-cognition and reflection. Here, we’ll look at cause and effect relationships, see our part, see the other’s part in negative experiences/outcome, grieve, forgive, see the good and bad of how this experience went on to affect us, etc. Ultimately, the goal of this meditation is to ‘place what belongs in the past in the past’ and ‘take forward what is still relevant’ to our lives, now. This step both builds on the previous Somatic Processing Meditation, and continues to work on the somatic, but integrates the emotional, and cognitive, as well.
4. Emotionally Corrective Experience consist of experiencing the ‘positive opposite’ of the negative belief/feeling/experience.  So, in the case that we are working on, for example, shame and defectiveness then in the meditation we’ll have the Ideal Parents/Perfect Nurturers show us that they experience us as delightful and just-fine-as-we-are, etc. This step is generally not a separate meditation, rather tacked on to the end of the Reflective Integration Meditation.

The sequence in the guided meditation helps us, feel safe and resourced, then process the unconscious somatically-held traumas; then reflect and resolve distorted thinking and feeling that resulted from the traumas. This process culminates in emotionally corrective experiences that bring about ’emotional memory reconsolidation‘ and what Bruce Ecker calls ‘transformational change’.

Homework

In each class, there will be meditations given as homework to be done through out the week, daily.

The Lecture Content and Meditations draw from:

• Attachment Theory (Bowlby, Ainsworth, et al.)
• The Dynamic-Maturational Model of Attachment & Adaptation (Crittenden et al.)
• Deep Brain Reorienting (Corrigan et al.)
• Ideal Parent Figure Protocol (Brown, et al.)
• Schema Therapy (Young, et al.)
• Coherence Therapy (Ecker, et al.)
• Mentalization-Based Treatment (Fonagy, et al.)
• Metacognitive Therapy (DiMaggio, et al.)
• Buddhist Visualization Practices
• Somatic Psychotherapy Modalities

Outcomes – Results to Expect:

After years of teaching courses like these, it seems that results vary greatly.  A minority experiences very significant and quick positive results. It seems that most experience meaningful improvements by the end of the nine week course.  And some don’t seem to benefit. Here, it’s worth noting that we offer refunds of the initial donations for any reason, whatsoever, with no questions asked, as long as you ask for the refund before the 10th week after the course started.

Additionally, full resolution of Dismssing-Avoidant or Fearful Avoidant attachment is not likely as a result of only this course.  Sadly, it’s a long process.  But, this course is a significant help to most people Dismissing or Fearful Avoidant attachment.

Moreover, please understand that this is a ‘hard work’ course where doing the 20 and 40 minutes a day of meditation plus attending the once a week class and the your weekly ‘meditation practice pod’ are what will bring about the healing.  Admittedly, given the time and work commitment this course isn’t a good fit for everyone.