Some longer-form practice reports by people who have participated in our courses or used our guided meditations.

S.

Today is my 150th day of daily imaginal parent practice.

Benefits, changes and shifts:

  • Insomnia has gotten much better. Went from not being able to sleep until 3am 4x week to staying up until 1am 1-2x week.
  • I’ve gotten really good at grieving. Crying 1-2 times a day now in the safety of my meditation bubble
  • I’ve managed to get angry at how my bioparents brought me up few times now, and it feels very good
  • I’ve had two situations where I stood up for myself in a small way, where I would fold before doing the work
  • My relationship anxiety has almost but disappeared. I was experiencing an emotional flatline for 2-3 years. No feedback from my emotional system made me doubt my marriage. I was plagued by doubt and guilt: my wife deserves to be with someone who loves her and I wasn’t sure that was me. In the past month or two, I’ve had moments where I felt like I’m falling in love with her again.
  • General anxiety has gone down from 7 to about 3. If I get a spike, I just cry it out and it’s gone.
  • My psyche has become a generally much friendlier environment. Any harsh self-talk gets flagged automatically for emotional repatterning.
  • Shame schema feels like it had been mostly worked through. Some patterns are still there, but it seems to be unraveling on its own now.
  • The weird pains in the body are slowly starting to dissipate
  • I have a very clear picture now of what my childhood was like, and how “one thing led to another” to the point where I am today. I couldn’t understand it before, why I feel so messed up, because I bought into the illusion of having great parents (despite the physical abuse and invalidation).

Challenges and unresolved stuff

  • Not gonna lie, some of this work has been very painful and disorienting. Having the illusion of a rosy childhood stripped away almost made me bomb some of the relationships in my life.
  • I’ve been in grieving mode non stop since Feb/March and it’s fucking EXHAUSTING. And there’s no way to stop it now (even if I wanted to). I manage to be functional outside of my sessions. But it feels like all I do is visualisation, work, eat, sleep and breathe.
  • Isolation and emotional deprivation still feel quite strong and intertwined.
  • I’m still dissociating and having minor de-personalization episodes. However, it’s much easier to be equanimous now and wait it out.