Some longer-form practice reports by people who have participated in our courses or used our guided meditations.
Today is my 150th day of daily imaginal parent practice.
Benefits, changes and shifts:
- Insomnia has gotten much better. Went from not being able to sleep until 3am 4x week to staying up until 1am 1-2x week.
- I’ve gotten really good at grieving. Crying 1-2 times a day now in the safety of my meditation bubble
- I’ve managed to get angry at how my bioparents brought me up few times now, and it feels very good
- I’ve had two situations where I stood up for myself in a small way, where I would fold before doing the work
- My relationship anxiety has almost but disappeared. I was experiencing an emotional flatline for 2-3 years. No feedback from my emotional system made me doubt my marriage. I was plagued by doubt and guilt: my wife deserves to be with someone who loves her and I wasn’t sure that was me. In the past month or two, I’ve had moments where I felt like I’m falling in love with her again.
- General anxiety has gone down from 7 to about 3. If I get a spike, I just cry it out and it’s gone.
- My psyche has become a generally much friendlier environment. Any harsh self-talk gets flagged automatically for emotional repatterning.
- Shame schema feels like it had been mostly worked through. Some patterns are still there, but it seems to be unraveling on its own now.
- The weird pains in the body are slowly starting to dissipate
- I have a very clear picture now of what my childhood was like, and how “one thing led to another” to the point where I am today. I couldn’t understand it before, why I feel so messed up, because I bought into the illusion of having great parents (despite the physical abuse and invalidation).
Challenges and unresolved stuff
- Not gonna lie, some of this work has been very painful and disorienting. Having the illusion of a rosy childhood stripped away almost made me bomb some of the relationships in my life.
- I’ve been in grieving mode non stop since Feb/March and it’s fucking EXHAUSTING. And there’s no way to stop it now (even if I wanted to). I manage to be functional outside of my sessions. But it feels like all I do is visualisation, work, eat, sleep and breathe.
- Isolation and emotional deprivation still feel quite strong and intertwined.
- I’m still dissociating and having minor de-personalization episodes. However, it’s much easier to be equanimous now and wait it out.