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What to Expect

How can you can you get to a place of earned secure attachment when you haven’t actually experienced it yourself?

Surely, the path is easier when you know where you are going and what it feels like when you get there.

In this course we will embody the qualities of secure attachment. As a result you will have clarity on what you are trying to cultivate, on the outcome. We start with the end in mind: Earned Secure Attachment

More specifically, this is an 8-week meditation practice course that lays out a path to:

1. becoming a secure attachment figure for our intimate relatationships
2. developing ego strengths in the “Healthy Adult”

Overview

The aim in this 8-week meditation course is to develop the strength of the Health Adult.

The healthy adult can be understood as having two major sets of positive traits:

1. attachment/connection based traits (very relevant to those with dismissing-avoidant attachment and disorganized/fearful
2. strength based traits (ego strength) (very relevant to those with anxious preoccupied attachment and disorganized/fearful attachment)

The attachment based traits of the healthy adult are (drawing form Brown & Elliott 2016 and the Buddhist Brahma Viharas):

1. Desire to protect others and expectation that loved ones protect you
2. Ability to attune to others and the expectation of attunement from others (empathy)
3. Ability to physically comfort and soothe and expectation to receive the same
4. Support of explorations of loved ones and expectation of support from them and getting and giving guidance
5. Physical and mental entrainment/synchronization with loved ones which creates a sense of belonging
6. Ability to trust & trustworthiness
   
7. Generosity
8. Self-acceptance and acceptance of others
9. Forgiveness

The strength based traits are comprised of (drawing from Jeffrey Young’s ‘healthy adult mode’, Dan Brown’s ‘best self’, and The Third School of Cognitive Therapy’s metacognitive skills).

1. Healthy self-definition (knowing who you are and what you are about)
2. Assertiveness
3. A well developed sense of agency (internal locus of control)
4. Well developed ability to explore
5. Healthy self esteem
6. Metacognitive skills (reflective function, mentalizing etc)
7. Stress tolerance and emotional self-regulation abilities
8. Discernment

What you will gain

By the end of this course, you will have

1. better self-esteem
2. better self-definition
3. a greater sense of agency
4. greater stress tolerance
5. greater access to positive attachment states; love, compassion, and delight in others
6. better metacognitive skills.
7. a clear understanding of how best to show up in close relationships and a greater ability to do so

Who this is for

This course is for people who want to develop their both their personal strengths and also become a secure attachment figure for others.

This course is relevant to all three insecure attachment styles: dismissing-avoidant, anxious-preoccupied, and disorganized (fearful) attachment.

Note: we will take a break on Monday 26th December. The course will resume as usual the following Monday.

This course draws from the following sources:

• Jeffrey Young’s Schema Therapy, especially Dr. Young’s “Healthy Adult Mode“
• Dan Brown’s work on self-development
• Dan Brown and David Elliott’s Ideal Parent Figure Protocol (IPF) / Three Pillars Model
• David Bernstein’s list of characteristics of the Healthy Adult Mode
• Ericksonian Hypnosis
• The “8 C’s” of Dick Schwartz’s IFS
• Attachment Theory
• Bruce Ecker’s Coherence Therapy
• Mentalization/Metacogntive therapies (Fonagy, DiMaggio, Liotti)
• Buddhist Visualization Meditation
• Buddhist Heart Practices:
  • Loving Kindness
  • Compassion
  • Appreciative Joy
  • Equanimity (Equanimous Love)

Who is this For

This program is for those of us who...

• Want to become a secure attachment figure for others
• Want to become a more valuable romantic partner, parent and friend to others
• Want to develop that actual individual traits like
  • ability to protect others
  • compassion
  • forgiveness
  • ability to attune
  • ability to soothe
  • ease with physical closeness
  • ability to support others explorations
  • delight in others
  • ability to lovingly guide others
  • generosity
• Want to develop our ego strengths like
  • self definition (knowing who you are, knowing what you are about, valuing your own opinions, )
  • better agency
  • better planing abilities
  • better self-esteme
  • better stress tolerance
• Are looking to improve our psychological health, especially those who have tried other healing modalities with disappointing results.
• Have problems with exploration and self development, relationships and emotional regulation

Benefits & Outcomes

These are some of the benefits you will have by the end of the program

Included Files:

Frequently Asked Questions