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embody secure attachment

Building the Healthy Self: Self Definition, Self Agency, Self Esteem, and the Ability to Show Up for Others

Self-Paced Course

This is a digital Self-Paced Course

  • Simply purchase and download the zip
  • Lifetime access to course material

Download contains:

  • 8 video lectures, 14 hours total
  • 56 guided meditations, 13 hours total

What to Expect

How can you can you get to a place of earned secure attachment when you haven’t actually experienced it yourself?

Surely, the path is easier when you know where you are going and what it feels like when you get there.

In this course we will embody the qualities of secure attachment. As a result you will have clarity on what you are trying to cultivate, on the outcome. We start with the end in mind: Earned Secure Attachment

More specifically, this is an 8-week meditation practice course that lays out a path to:

  1. becoming a secure attachment figure for our intimate relatationships
  2. developing ego strengths in the “Healthy Adult”

Overview

The aim in this 8-week meditation course is to develop the strength of the Healthy Adult. The healthy adult can be understood as having two major sets of positive traits:
  1. attachment/connection based traits (very relevant to those with dismissing-avoidant attachment and disorganized/fearful
  2. strength based traits (ego strength) (very relevant to those with anxious preoccupied attachment and disorganized/fearful attachment)
The attachment based traits of the healthy adult are (drawing form Brown & Elliott 2016 and the Buddhist Brahma Viharas):
  1. Desire to protect others and expectation that loved ones protect you
  2. Ability to attune to others and the expectation of attunement from others (empathy)
  3. Ability to physically comfort and soothe and expectation to receive the same
  4. Support of explorations of loved ones and expectation of support from them and getting and giving guidance
  5. Physical and mental entrainment/synchronization with loved ones which creates a sense of belonging
  6. Ability to trust & trustworthiness
  7. Generosity
  8. Self-acceptance and acceptance of others
  9. Forgiveness
The strength based traits are comprised of (drawing from Jeffrey Young's 'healthy adult mode', Dan Brown's 'best self', and The Third School of Cognitive Therapy's metacognitive skills).
  1. Healthy self-definition (knowing who you are and what you are about)
  2. Assertiveness
  3. A well developed sense of agency (internal locus of control)
  4. Well developed ability to explore
  5. Healthy self esteem
  6. Metacognitive skills (reflective function, mentalizing etc)
  7. Stress tolerance and emotional self-regulation abilities
  8. Discernment

What you will gain

By the end of this course, you will have
  1. better self-esteem
  2. better self-definition
  3. a greater sense of agency
  4. greater stress tolerance
  5. greater access to positive attachment states; love, compassion, and delight in others
  6. better metacognitive skills.
  7. a clear understanding of how best to show up in close relationships and a greater ability to do so

Who this is for

This course is for people who want to develop their both their personal strengths and also become a secure attachment figure for others. This course is relevant to all three insecure attachment styles: dismissing-avoidant, anxious-preoccupied, and disorganized (fearful) attachment. Note: we will take a break on Monday 26th December. The course will resume as usual the following Monday.  

This course draws from the following sources:

  • Jeffrey Young’s Schema Therapy, especially Dr. Young's "Healthy Adult Mode"
  • Dan Brown's work on self-development
  • Dan Brown and David Elliott’s Ideal Parent Figure Protocol (IPF) / Three Pillars Model
  • David Bernstein's list of characteristics of the Healthy Adult Mode
  • Ericksonian Hypnosis
  • The "8 C's" of Dick Schwartz's IFS
  • Attachment Theory
  • Bruce Ecker’s Coherence Therapy
  • Mentalization/Metacogntive therapies (Fonagy, DiMaggio, Liotti)
  • Buddhist Visualization Meditation
  • Buddhist Heart Practices:
    • Loving Kindness
    • Compassion
    • Appreciative Joy
    • Equanimity (Equanimous Love)

Who is this For

This program is for those of us who...

  • Want to become a secure attachment figure for others
  • Want to become a more valuable romantic partner, parent and friend to others
  • Want to develop that actual individual traits like
    • ability to protect others
    • compassion
    • forgiveness
    • ability to attune
    • ability to soothe
    • ease with physical closeness
    • ability to support others explorations
    • delight in others
    • ability to lovingly guide others
    • generosity
  • Want to develop our ego strengths like
    • self definition (knowing who you are, knowing what you are about, valuing your own opinions, )
    • better agency
    • better planing abilities
    • better self-esteme
    • better stress tolerance
  • Are looking to improve our psychological health, especially those who have tried other healing modalities with disappointing results.
  • Have problems with exploration and self development, relationships and emotional regulation

Benefits & Outcomes

These are some of the benefits you will have by the end of the program

Theoretical Understanding

  • Understand what is means to show up in a secure way in relationship
  • How to develop those skills/abilities/qualities if you don’t have them yet
  • What does it mean to develop your own ego strengths and how to do so
  • A clear practice path of how to develop your own ego strengths and how to develop into a secure attachment figure for others

Psychological

  • A better ability to observe your mind with metacognitive awareness as a result of the mentalization exercises peppered through the guided meditations.
  • Better able to do emotional regulation on the spot in your daily life with ‘micro-hits’ of meditation.
  • Less blame of self or others.
  • More understanding and compassion towards your parts/modes and needs.

For your relationships

  • By becoming more secure in terms of how you show up you will feel more confident about yourself as an attachment figure for romantic partners.
  • Knowing how to apply the qualities cultivated in the formal meditations in daily life (this isn’t a theory focused course rather a practice and application focused course (we aim for real life character development))

Included Files:

1

Introduction and Traits of Secure Attachment

 2h 35m

1.1 Embodying Secure Attachment

19m

1.2 Embodying Secure Attachment

15m

1.3 Firming Up on General Life Habits

8m

1.4 Firming Up on General Life Habits

7m
2

Positive Attachment States

 2h 40m

2.1 Embodying Secure Attachment

32m

2.2 Expressing Healthy Anger

6m

2.3 Me Too Meditation on Developing Compassion

8m

2.4 Me Too Meditation on Developing Compassion

5m

2.5 Self Acceptance

15m

2.6 Self Acceptance

20m
3

Metacognition

 2h 59m

3.1 Motivation

7m

3.2 Motivation

6m

3.3 Embodying Secure Attachment

15m

3.4 Epistemic Trust and Attunement

6m

3.5 Epistemic Trust and Attunement

6m

3.6 Metacognition of Mental States

16m

3.7 Metacognition of Mental States

18m
4

Self Definition

 2h 41m

4.1 Self Acceptance

20m

4.2 Self Definition

14m

4.3 Self Definition

14m

4.4 Embracing Preferences

10m

4.5 Embracing Preferences

10m

4.6 SRM on Enmeshment and Underdeveloped Self

21m

4.7 SRM on Enmeshment and Underdeveloped Self

15m
5

Self Agency and Stress Tolerance

 2h 56m

5.1 Embracing Preferences

7m

5.2 Embracing Preferences

5m

5.3 Self Definition

8m

5.4 Self Definition

8m

5.5 Agency and Planning

19m

5.6 Agency and Planning

28m

5.7 Fear and Agency

2m

5.8 SRM on Failure to Achieve, Dependence, and Incompetence

14m

5.9 SRM on Failure to Achieve, Dependence, and Incompetence

11m
6

Self Esteem

 2h 38m

6.1 SRM on Defectiveness and Shame

13m

6.2 SRM on Defectiveness and Shame

16m

6.3 Self Esteem

23m

6.4 Self Esteem

23m
7

Challenge to Hold Self Esteem

 2h 37m

7.1 SRM on Low Self Esteem

19m

7.2 SRM on Low Self Esteem

10m

7.3 Self Esteem

11m

7.4 Self Esteem

23m

7.5 Self Esteem

23m

7.6 Dealing with Social Difficulty

9m

7.7 Dealing with Social Difficulty

10m

7.8 Dealing with Difficulty

9m

7.9 Dealing with Difficulty

16m
8

Positive Social Self

 1h 25m

8.1 Embodying Secure Attachment

10m

8.2 Embodying Secure Attachment

15m

8.3 Ego Strength

12m

8.4 Ego Strength

15m

8.5 Beneficence and Generosity

9m

8.6 Beneficence and Generosity

8m

8.7 Embodying Secure Attachment

19m

8.8 Embodying Secure Attachment

19m

8.9 Ego Strength

18m

8.10 Ego Strength and Purpose

21m
  • 8 video lectures, 14 hours total
  • 56 guided meditations extracted as .mp3s, 13 hours total

Frequently Asked Questions

Self-Paced Courses

Yes, and in fact we highly encouraged you to do both.
By buying this course you receive lifetime access to a collection of videos and guided meditation tracks. These are organized so that there is a progressive order to them, but you can take them as slowly or as quickly as you'd like, and you can always view the same content again.
Once you've completed your purchase, you'll get a link to download the course. You can then view the audio or video files from your laptop, desktop, smartphone, or any devices of your own choice. There is no limit to how many devices you can access the course from.
You can download and keep this course forever and watch it at your own pace as many times as you wish. There is no live Q&A section.

Payment Questions

If for any reason you aren’t satisfied, simply contact us and we will send you a full refund.
If you are experiencing troubles with your payment, simply contact us and we will get back to you as soon as we can.
There are other payment methods listed on our donations page. Otherwise contact us for other options. If you lack any ability to make online payments, let us know and we can sign you up for free.

Technical Questions

The materials are automatically sent to the email address you provide. If there are no typos in your email address, then check your spam folder. If for some reason you have not received the course materials several minutes after completing payment, contact us and we'll help you out.

$179

Where did you hear about this Program?

Description

The aim in this 8-week meditation course is to develop the strength of the Healthy Adult.

The healthy adult can be understood as having two major sets of positive traits:

  1. attachment/connection based traits (very relevant to those with dismissing-avoidant attachment and disorganized/fearful
  2. strength based traits (ego strength) (very relevant to those with anxious preoccupied attachment and disorganized/fearful attachment)

The attachment based traits of the healthy adult are (drawing form Brown & Elliott 2016 and the Buddhist Brahma Viharas):

  1. Desire to protect others and expectation that loved ones protect you
  2. Ability to attune to others and the expectation of attunement from others (empathy)
  3. Ability to physically comfort and soothe and expectation to receive the same
  4. Support of explorations of loved ones and expectation of support from them and getting and giving guidance
  5. Physical and mental entrainment/synchronization with loved ones which creates a sense of belonging
  6. Ability to trust & trustworthiness
  7. Generosity
  8. Self-acceptance and acceptance of others
  9. Forgiveness

The strength based traits are comprised of (drawing from Jeffrey Young’s ‘healthy adult mode’, Dan Brown’s ‘best self’, and The Third School of Cognitive Therapy’s metacognitive skills).

  1. Healthy self-definition (knowing who you are and what you are about)
  2. Assertiveness
  3. A well developed sense of agency (internal locus of control)
  4. Well developed ability to explore
  5. Healthy self esteem
  6. Metacognitive skills (reflective function, mentalizing etc)
  7. Stress tolerance and emotional self-regulation abilities
  8. Discernment

What you will gain

By the end of this course, you will have

  1. better self-esteem
  2. better self-definition
  3. a greater sense of agency
  4. greater stress tolerance
  5. greater access to positive attachment states; love, compassion, and delight in others
  6. better metacognitive skills.
  7. a clear understanding of how best to show up in close relationships and a greater ability to do so

Who this is for

This course is for people who want to develop their both their personal strengths and also become a secure attachment figure for others.

This course is relevant to all three insecure attachment styles: dismissing-avoidant, anxious-preoccupied, and disorganized (fearful) attachment.

Note: we will take a break on Monday 26th December. The course will resume as usual the following Monday.

 

This course draws from the following sources:

  • Jeffrey Young’s Schema Therapy, especially Dr. Young’s “Healthy Adult Mode“
  • Dan Brown’s work on self-development
  • Dan Brown and David Elliott’s Ideal Parent Figure Protocol (IPF) / Three Pillars Model
  • David Bernstein’s list of characteristics of the Healthy Adult Mode
  • Ericksonian Hypnosis
  • The “8 C’s” of Dick Schwartz’s IFS
  • Attachment Theory
  • Bruce Ecker’s Coherence Therapy
  • Mentalization/Metacogntive therapies (Fonagy, DiMaggio, Liotti)
  • Buddhist Visualization Meditation
  • Buddhist Heart Practices:
    • Loving Kindness
    • Compassion
    • Appreciative Joy
    • Equanimity (Equanimous Love)
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Building the Healthy Self: Self Definition, Self Agency, Self Esteem, and the Ability to Show Up for Others
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