This is a digital Self-Paced Course

  • Simply purchase and download the zip
  • Lifetime access to course material

Download contains:

  • 8 video lectures, 14 hours total
  • 55 guided meditations, 12 hours total

What to Expect

How can you can you get to a place of earned secure attachment when you haven’t actually experienced it yourself?

Surely, the path is easier when you know where you are going and what it feels like when you get there.

In this course we will embody the qualities of secure attachment. As a result you will have clarity on what you are trying to cultivate, on the outcome. We start with the end in mind: Earned Secure Attachment

More specifically, this is an 8-week meditation practice course that lays out a path to:

  1. becoming a secure attachment figure for our intimate relatationships
  2. developing ego strengths in the “Healthy Adult”


The aim in this 8-week meditation course is to develop the strength of the Health Adult.

The healthy adult can be understood as having two major sets of positive traits:

  1. attachment/connection based traits (very relevant to those with dismissing-avoidant attachment and disorganized/fearful
  2. strength based traits (ego strength) (very relevant to those with anxious preoccupied attachment and disorganized/fearful attachment)

The attachment based traits of the healthy adult are (drawing form Brown & Elliott 2016 and the Buddhist Brahma Viharas):

  1. Desire to protect others and expectation that loved ones protect you
  2. Ability to attune to others and the expectation of attunement from others (empathy)
  3. Ability to physically comfort and soothe and expectation to receive the same
  4. Support of explorations of loved ones and expectation of support from them and getting and giving guidance
  5. Physical and mental entrainment/synchronization with loved ones which creates a sense of belonging
  6. Ability to trust & trustworthiness
  7. Generosity
  8. Self-acceptance and acceptance of others
  9. Forgiveness

The strength based traits are comprised of (drawing from Jeffrey Young’s ‘healthy adult mode’, Dan Brown’s ‘best self’, and The Third School of Cognitive Therapy’s metacognitive skills).

  1. Healthy self-definition (knowing who you are and what you are about)
  2. Assertiveness
  3. A well developed sense of agency (internal locus of control)
  4. Well developed ability to explore
  5. Healthy self esteem
  6. Metacognitive skills (reflective function, mentalizing etc)
  7. Stress tolerance and emotional self-regulation abilities
  8. Discernment

What you will gain

By the end of this course, you will have

  1. better self-esteem
  2. better self-definition
  3. a greater sense of agency
  4. greater stress tolerance
  5. greater access to positive attachment states; love, compassion, and delight in others
  6. better metacognitive skills.
  7. a clear understanding of how best to show up in close relationships and a greater ability to do so

Who this is for

This course is for people who want to develop their both their personal strengths and also become a secure attachment figure for others.

This course is relevant to all three insecure attachment styles: dismissing-avoidant, anxious-preoccupied, and disorganized (fearful) attachment.

Note: we will take a break on Monday 26th December. The course will resume as usual the following Monday.


This course draws from the following sources:

  • Jeffrey Young’s Schema Therapy, especially Dr. Young’s “Healthy Adult Mode
  • Dan Brown’s work on self-development
  • Dan Brown and David Elliott’s Ideal Parent Figure Protocol (IPF) / Three Pillars Model
  • David Bernstein’s list of characteristics of the Healthy Adult Mode
  • Ericksonian Hypnosis
  • The “8 C’s” of Dick Schwartz’s IFS
  • Attachment Theory
  • Bruce Ecker’s Coherence Therapy
  • Mentalization/Metacogntive therapies (Fonagy, DiMaggio, Liotti)
  • Buddhist Visualization Meditation
  • Buddhist Heart Practices:
    • Loving Kindness
    • Compassion
    • Appreciative Joy
    • Equanimity (Equanimous Love)

Who is this For

This program is for those of us who...

  • Want to become a secure attachment figure for others
  • Want to become a more valuable romantic partner, parent and friend to others
  • Want to develop that actual individual traits like
    • ability to protect others
    • compassion
    • forgiveness
    • ability to attune
    • ability to soothe
    • ease with physical closeness
    • ability to support others explorations
    • delight in others
    • ability to lovingly guide others
    • generosity
  • Want to develop our ego strengths like
    • self definition (knowing who you are, knowing what you are about, valuing your own opinions, )
    • better agency
    • better planing abilities
    • better self-esteme
    • better stress tolerance
  • Are looking to improve our psychological health, especially those who have tried other healing modalities with disappointing results.
  • Have problems with exploration and self development, relationships and emotional regulation

Benefits & Outcomes

These are some of the benefits you will have by the end of the program

Theoretical Understanding

  • Understand what is means to show up in a secure way in relationship
  • How to develop those skills/abilities/qualities if you don’t have them yet
  • What does it mean to develop your own ego strengths and how to do so
  • A clear practice path of how to develop your own ego strengths and how to develop into a secure attachment figure for others


  • A better ability to observe your mind with metacognitive awareness as a result of the mentalization exercises peppered through the guided meditations.
  • Better able to do emotional regulation on the spot in your daily life with ‘micro-hits’ of meditation.
  • Less blame of self or others.
  • More understanding and compassion towards your parts/modes and needs.

For your relationships

  • By becoming more secure in terms of how you show up you will feel more confident about yourself as an attachment figure for romantic partners.
  • Knowing how to apply the qualities cultivated in the formal meditations in daily life (this isn’t a theory focused course rather a practice and application focused course (we aim for real life character development))

Included Files:


Introduction and Traits of Secure Attachment

2h 35m

1.1 Embodying Secure Attachment


1.2 Embodying Secure Attachment


1.3 Firming Up on General Life Habits


1.4 Firming Up on General Life Habits


Positive Attachment States

2h 40m

2.1 Embodying Secure Attachment


2.2 Expressing Healthy Anger


2.3 Me Too Meditation on Developing Compassion


2.4 Me Too Meditation on Developing Compassion


2.5 Self Acceptance


2.6 Self Acceptance



2h 59m

3.1 Motivation


3.2 Motivation


3.3 Embodying Secure Attachment


3.4 Epistemic Trust and Attunement


3.5 Epistemic Trust and Attunement


3.6 Metacognition of Mental States


3.7 Metacognition of Mental States


Self Definition

2h 41m

4.1 Self Definition


4.2 Self Definition


4.3 Embracing Preferences


4.4 Embracing Preferences


4.5 SRM on Enmeshment and Underdeveloped Self


4.6 SRM on Enmeshment and Underdeveloped Self


Self Agency and Stress Tolerance

2h 56m

5.1 Embracing Preferences


5.2 Embracing Preferences


5.3 Self Definition


5.4 Self Definition


5.5 Agency and Planning


5.6 Agency and Planning


5.7 Fear and Agency


5.8 SRM on Failure to Achieve, Dependence, and Incompetence


5.9 SRM on Failure to Achieve, Dependence, and Incompetence


Self Esteem

2h 38m

6.1 SRM on Defectiveness and Shame


6.2 SRM on Defectiveness and Shame


6.3 Self Esteem


6.4 Self Esteem


Challenge to Hold Self Esteem

2h 37m

7.1 SRM on Low Self Esteem


7.2 SRM on Low Self Esteem


7.3 Self Esteem


7.4 Self Esteem


7.5 Self Esteem


7.6 Dealing with Social Difficulty


7.7 Dealing with Social Difficulty


7.8 Dealing with Difficulty


7.9 Dealing with Difficulty


Positive Social Self

1h 25m

8.1 Embodying Secure Attachment


8.2 Embodying Secure Attachment


8.3 Ego Strength


8.4 Ego Strength


8.5 Beneficence and Generosity


8.6 Beneficence and Generosity


8.7 Embodying Secure Attachment


8.8 Embodying Secure Attachment


8.9 Ego Strength


8.10 Ego Strength and Purpose

  • 8 video lectures, 14 hours total
  • 55 guided meditations extracted as .mp3s, 12 hours total

Frequently Asked Questions

Self-Paced Courses

Yes, and in fact we highly encouraged you to do both.
By buying this course you receive lifetime access to a collection of videos and guided meditation tracks. These are organized so that there is a progressive order to them, but you can take them as slowly or as quickly as you'd like, and you can always view the same content again.
Once you've completed your purchase, you'll get a link to download the course. You can then view the audio or video files from your laptop, desktop, smartphone, or any devices of your own choice. There is no limit to how many devices you can access the course from.
You can download and keep this course forever and watch it at your own pace as many times as you wish. There is no live Q&A section.

Payment Questions

If for any reason you aren’t satisfied, simply contact us and we will send you a full refund.
If you are experiencing troubles with your payment, simply contact us and we will get back to you as soon as we can.
There are other payment methods listed on our donations page. Otherwise contact us for other options. If you lack any ability to make online payments, let us know and we can sign you up for free.

Technical Questions

The materials are automatically sent to the email address you provide. If there are no typos in your email address, then check your spam folder. If for some reason you have not received the course materials several minutes after completing payment, contact us and we'll help you out.


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Embodying Secure Attachment: Developing the Healthy Adult
Cart Subtotal $179
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