Introduction

Secure attachment in adulthood is characterized by a positive view of oneself and others, a comfort with intimacy and closeness, and the ability to form strong, healthy relationships. Individuals with a secure attachment style trust their partners, feel secure in their relationships, and are able to express their emotions and needs effectively. They have a strong sense of self-worth and are able to balance their own needs with those of their partner. In times of stress or conflict, individuals with a secure attachment style are able to regulate their emotions and work through challenges in a healthy and constructive manner. This type of attachment style is considered the ideal and is associated with better mental health and well-being.

Characteristics Of Secure Attachment

These people find trusting others easy and natural. They expect that others are largely honest and want what is best for them. They are at ease with intimacy, connection, and readily rely on others. They naturally reciprocate as well. They are good explorers. They know what they find meaningful in life and pursue those activities. Collaboration with others comes naturally. They have well developed meta-cognitive abilities being able to have a balanced and considerate view of their own thoughts and emotions and the thoughts and emotions of others. They are also good about managing their own emotional reactions as well.

People with secure attachment don’t need to do the Schema Repatterning Meditation (SRM) for attachment repair. However, most people with secure attachment do have ‘Early Maladaptive Schemas‘ as identified by Jeffrey Young. These can be assessed in a schema inventory and worked through with the Schema Repatterning Meditation (SRM) work.

The cause of secure attachment is thought to be “good enough” parents that did an average or better job of tending to the infant’s emotional needs and keeping him/her safe.

Childhood Secure Attachment

Secure attachment is characterized by a child feeling safe and secure in the presence of their primary caregiver. The child feels confident that their needs will be met, and that their caregiver will be responsive to them. This feeling of security allows the child to explore their environment and form healthy relationships with others.

One key characteristic of secure attachment is the child seeking comfort and security from the caregiver when feeling upset or threatened. The child knows that their caregiver will provide a sense of security and emotional regulation, which helps them to cope with stressful situations. The child feels comfortable exploring and playing while the caregiver is nearby, knowing that they can turn to the caregiver for support when needed.

Another characteristic of secure attachment is positive self-esteem and trust in others. Children who have secure attachments tend to have high self-esteem, feel capable and competent, and have trust in others. They are more likely to form healthy relationships with others as they grow older.

The primary caregiver also plays an important role in providing a secure attachment. They are responsive to the child’s needs and provide a sense of emotional regulation. They act as a safe haven for the child, providing a sense of security and a base from which the child can explore the world. The caregiver also acts as a secure base, providing a sense of security and the child trusts the caregiver for protection and care.

Secure attachment is characterized by a child feeling safe and secure in the presence of their primary caregiver, the child seeking comfort and security from the caregiver when feeling upset or threatened, the child feeling comfortable exploring and playing while the caregiver is nearby, the caregiver providing a sense of emotional regulation for the child, the child having positive self-esteem and trust in others and the child having the ability to form healthy relationships with other people.

Secure Attachment in Adults

As an adult, individuals with a history of secure attachment during childhood tend to have positive characteristics in their relationships and overall well-being. They tend to have a healthy balance of independence and interdependence in their relationships, allowing them to maintain their sense of self while still being connected to others.

Individuals with secure attachment tend to have healthy communication patterns, they are able to express their needs and feelings clearly and can also listen actively to their partners. They are also able to regulate their emotions effectively and recover quickly from conflicts.

Adults with secure attachment tend to have high self-esteem and are comfortable with intimacy and vulnerability, they are also able to trust their partners and others in general. They tend to have a positive view of themselves and others and also tend to have a positive view of relationships in general.

They also tend to have the ability to form secure and healthy relationships with their romantic partners, friends and family. They are able to have a balance of closeness and distance in their relationships, which allows them to have a sense of individuality while also being connected to others. They tend to view conflicts as opportunities for growth, rather than as threats to the relationship.

In summary, adults with a history of secure attachment tend to have positive characteristics in their relationships and overall well-being, they tend to have healthy communication patterns, the ability to regulate their emotions effectively, high self-esteem, comfortable with intimacy and vulnerability, trust in others and ability to form secure and healthy relationships.

Earned Secure Attachment

Earned Secure Attachment is the process by which an individual who has experienced insecure attachment in childhood is able to develop a secure attachment style in adulthood. This can happen through a variety of means, such as therapy, self-help, or through forming healthy relationships.

Insecure attachment during childhood can happen due to various reasons such as, inconsistent or unresponsive primary caregivers, neglect, or abuse. These experiences can lead to negative patterns of relating and interacting with others.

Earned secure attachment can happen through different paths such as therapy, self-help or healthy relationships.

In therapy, an individual can work through past traumas and relationship patterns that may have contributed to insecure attachment. They can also learn new coping mechanisms, communication skills, and form a secure base through the therapeutic relationship.

Self-help can also be a path for individuals to learn about healthy attachment styles, improve their emotional regulation and communication skills. They can also work on their own to form a positive self-concept and develop a healthy self-esteem.

Forming healthy relationships with others can also lead to earned secure attachment. Individuals can learn how to form healthy relationships through experiencing them firsthand. They can learn to trust others, communicate effectively, and form a sense of security within the relationship.

In summary, earned secure attachment is the process of developing a secure attachment style in adulthood after experiencing an insecure attachment in childhood. It can happen through therapy, self-help, or forming healthy relationships. It helps individuals to work through past traumas, develop new coping mechanisms, communication skills and form healthy relationships.