Uncategorized - Attachment Repair

Mentalization and Metacognitive Skills

Post author:Cedric Reeves
Post published:November 19, 2021
Reading time:3 mins read
Healing Modality:
Mentalizationi

Photo: Kamil Szumotalski

Do you want to improve your ability to regulate your emotions so you aren’t blown around by the changing winds of mood? You can start by memorizing the following six metacognitve skills.

Identification is the ability to recognize what is happening in one’s inner experience, and greatly overlaps with mindfulness. Someone with weak identification skills will have trouble knowing what emotions they’re feeling and is more likely to be overwhelmed by them as a result. On the other hand, recognizing when we’re experiencing sadness or anger can help us to act accordingly.

Summary of Coherence Therapy

Post author:Cedric Reeves
Post published:September 9, 2021
Reading time:3 mins read
Healing Modality:
Coherence Therapyi

“In short, we had stopped treating the symptom like the work of a demon whom we were trying to drive out of the client’s life. We had focused instead solely on learning from the client why their depression, panic attacks, stormy relationships or obsessions were somehow necessary — what unconscious benefit these seemingly nefarious symptoms served. We were fascinated to find that by focusing therapy in this way from the first session, we could get powerful results swiftly and reliably.” – Ecker & Hulley

Coherence Therapy is a unified set of methods and concepts for mental healing that foster profound change with a high level of consistency.

Tips on Creating a Safe Space for Imaginal Work

Post author:Attachment Repair Student
Post published:August 19, 2021
Reading time:7 mins read
Healing Modalities:
Attachment Theoryi
Schema Therapyi

These tips on creating a safe space for practice were originally shared by a long-term Attachment Repair student in our Slack community.

I wanted to share my process and tips for building an imaginal safe space. I use this space as a foundation for all my attachment/schema work. Basically, that’s where I prepare for the ‘main’ work, and it’s a container and location for imagery. I also use it to hunker down when I feel anxious or overwhelmed, and sometimes to help me fall asleep.

Schema Mode Process diagram

Post author:Cedric Reeves
Post published:August 17, 2021
Reading time:1 mins read
Healing Modality:
Schema Therapyi

Influenced by this video: Understanding Schema Therapy and schema modes, interview

The Schema Modes as They Relate to Attachment Styles

Post author:Cedric Reeves
Post published:August 16, 2021
Reading time:7 mins read
Healing Modalities:
Attachment Theoryi
Schema Therapyi

Disclaimer: These are my personal opinions. In this, I am drawing from Jeffrey Young’s work on schema therapy, and attachment theory more generally.

I believe that the attachment styles can be viewed as clusters of schemas and modes; schemas being beliefs about self and world, and the necessary behaviors (modes) that result from those beliefs. The modes represent the coherent behavioral manifestations of the schemas.

Insecure attachment is associated with impaired emotional self-regulation. The coping modes are those emotional regulation strategies that avoid “an even greater suffering”, as Bruce Ecker says.

Schemas as they relate to Attachment Styles

Post author:Cedric Reeves
Post published:July 23, 2021
Reading time:1 mins read
Healing Modalities:
Attachment Theoryi
Schema Therapyi

This list is based on my perspective as to how Jeffrey Young’s ‘Early Maladaptive Schemas’ relate to insecure attachment. More info on the 18 schemas here: http://www.schematherapy.com/id73.htm

General Insecurity

11 – Insufficient Self-Control / Self-Discipline

Dismissing

3 – Emotional Deprivation (central)
4 – Defectiveness / Shame (central)
5 – Social Isolation / Alienation
10 – Entitlement / Grandiosity
17 – Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness
18 – Punitiveness

Preoccupied

1 – Abandonment / Instability (central)
3 – Emotional Deprivation
6 – Dependence / Incompetence
7 – Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
8 – Enmeshment / Undeveloped Self
9 – Failure to Achieve
12 – Subjugation
13 – Self-Sacrifice
14 – Approval-Seeking / Recognition-Seeking
15 – Negativity / Pessimism

Disorganized

1 – Abandonment / Instability
2 – Mistrust / Abuse (central) (additionally: fear and manipulation)
3 – Emotional Deprivation
4 – Defectiveness / Shame
5 – Social Isolation / Alienation
6 – Dependence / Incompetence
7 – Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
8 – Enmeshment / Undeveloped Self
9 – Failure to Achieve
10 – Entitlement / Grandiosity
12 – Subjugation
13 – Self-Sacrifice
14 – Approval-Seeking / Recognition-Seeking
15 – Negativity / Pessimism
17 – Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness
18 – Punitiveness

How to Care for Yourself After a Retreat and How to Make it Count

Post author:Cedric Reeves
Post published:July 15, 2021
Reading time:4 mins read
Healing Modality:
Buddhist Practicesi

Going on retreat can be deeply impactful. It is time spent outside the ordinary rhythms of life and often also outside ordinary states of mind. Coming back after a retreat can therefore be a challenging time, although one that’s full of opportunity. Below are some suggestions on how best to care for yourself post-retreat, while respecting the experience you’ve just had.

First off, don’t expect loved ones to understand. You may feel you’ve made important realisations or changed in significant ways that need to be communicated right away.

Can you change your attachment style and if so how?

Post author:Cedric Reeves
Post published:June 27, 2021
Reading time:4 mins read
Healing Modality:
Attachment Theoryi

Yes, you can. But, there are many important considerations to keep in mind.

Attachment conditioning dictates much of how we behave in relationships, view ourselves, how well we explore our world, and how good we are at emotional self regulation (Brown et al., 2016). This conditioning is largely determined very early on between the ages of six and twenty-four months (and to a lesser degree up to three years). The conditioning that takes place at this time occurs at the procedural or implicit level, which is pre-verbal.

How to work through the schemas – step by step

Post author:Cedric Reeves
Post published:May 5, 2021
Reading time:1 mins read
Healing Modality:
Schema Therapyi

Here is a brief guideline on how to work through the Schemas.

Identify which schemas you have. We will have an assessment program available shortly, but until then you can get a sense for them by reading through a list of them.
Pick the particular schema that you want to work on.
Activate the schema and come into the mental state by bringing up auditory thoughts, image thoughts and body sensations and emotions that are associated with the schema.

Biology, Evolution, and Love

Post author:Cedric Reeves
Post published:February 19, 2021
Reading time:2 mins read
Healing Modality:
Attachment Theoryi

I watched “My Octopus Teacher” last night. It was so moving.

John Bowlby theorized that Humans like other primates and mammals seek out proximity to the mother for evolutionary reasons, namely to seek safety. This makes perfect sense. You can build a theory of love, connection, and affection solely on the basis of the evolutionary benefits of proximity explained by attachment theory.

In the film, Craig Foster the main protagonist, states that the highlighted kind of octopus has no relationship with mother or father.

Some notes on the three insecure attachment styles

Post author:Cedric Reeves
Post published:February 19, 2021
Reading time:2 mins read
Healing Modality:
Attachment Theoryi

Another quick note about how attachment theory “blames the mom” for everything.

Yes, that’s true on one level. Mom is usually the primary caregiver. And our attachment conditioning comes mostly from the interactions with the primary caregiver.
But, as we discover with meditation there is no self that is apart from others and apart from our conditioning.
You parents did the best they could. They only had their conditioning to inform them. They are ultimately blameless.

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