Embodying Secure Attachment

Embodying Secure Attachment

Developing the Healthy Adult: Ego-Strength, Self-Definition, Self-Agency, Stress-Tolerance, Exploration, and Becoming the Secure-Attachment-Figure for Others

8 Week Online Meditation Course
  • Date: 12th Dec - 6th Feb 2023
  • Instructor: Cedric Reeves
  • Cost: Sliding scale
Register

Join us for this course : An 8 week meditation course where we will develop our sense of agency, self-esteem, stress tolerance, and positive attachment states in order to become our 'best selves' and to become a secure attachment figure for others.

The intended outcome is to develop qualities that enhance the "Healthy Adult. Moreover, this course will help you structure your own ongoing personal development path.

This program is for people who want to develop their best-self especially given a background of insecure attachment.

Who is this for?

  • For anyone who wants to develop a healthier sense of self and who wants to know how to be a secure attachment figure for others.
  • Suitable for anyone new to attachment-work, or is already experienced.
  • This course is suited for any attachment style, but is particularly designed to anxious-preoccupied or disorganized (fearful) attachment style.
  • For anyone who is willing to do the work to get results (We lay out the path in this course. For best results participants are recommended to do 30 mins of meditaiton a day.)

This event has started but you are welcome to join mid-way. You can attend the remaining live classes and will get access to all of the recordings.

Format

  • 8 Week Course: One live 90 minute class per week
  • Live Online Sessions: The live sessions will be hosted on Zoom. An email with the zoom links will be sent to you after you have registered.
  • Q&A: There will be opportunity to ask questions during the Q&A section.

Attendance & Recordings

  • Partial attendance is fine - however you get best results if you attend all sessions.
  • Late Starts: You can join even after it has started.
  • View at your own pace: The event will be recorded and sent out to registered participants for viewing on your own schedule.

Event Date & Time

Start Date: 12th Dec - End Date: 6th Feb 2023

This course will run twice in order to be accessible to people in different time zones. The content is exactly the same. You will get the access details for both after signing up.

There will be one live 90 minute class per week.

Note: we will take a break on Monday 26th December. The course will resume as usual the following Monday.

Register

Class Schedule

This is the approximate format of each class.

Duration Activity
5 mins Short meditation to settle the mind
10 mins Review of last week’s class (first class will be introductions instead)
25 mins Lecture on new material
5 mins Break
35 mins Guided meditation related to material just discussed
10 mins Q&A

We will be doing deep work. For that reason please feel free to take a break at any point.

What to Expect

Guided meditation will be the main focus of the program. There will be ample opportunity to ask questions and share whatever you feel comfortable with. There will be no pressure to do so; passive participation is perfectly fine.

How can you can you get to a place of earned secure attachment when you haven’t actually experienced it yourself?

Surely, the path is easier when you know where you are going and what it feels like when you get there.

In this course we will embody the qualities of secure attachment. As a result you will have clarity on what you are trying to cultivate, on the outcome. We start with the end in mind: Earned Secure Attachment

More specifically, this is an 8-week meditation practice course that lays out a path to:

  1. becoming a secure attachment figure for our intimate relatationships
  2. developing ego strengths in the “Healthy Adult”

This is a “hard work” course in which you’ll be expected to do 30 minutes of meditation a day in order to realize the benefits. In support of that goal, participants receive benefit from support structures to facilitate daily meditation practice with meditation accountability partners, and small group practice pods.

course Overview

This program is suitable for beginners to meditation and healing work.

The aim in this 8-week meditation course is to develop the strength of the Health Adult.

The healthy adult can be understood as having two major sets of positive traits:

  1. attachment/connection based traits (very relevant to those with dismissing-avoidant attachment and disorganized/fearful
  2. strength based traits (ego strength) (very relevant to those with anxious preoccupied attachment and disorganized/fearful attachment)

The attachment based traits of the healthy adult are (drawing form Brown & Elliott 2016 and the Buddhist Brahma Viharas):

  1. Desire to protect others and expectation that loved ones protect you
  2. Ability to attune to others and the expectation of attunement from others (empathy)
  3. Ability to physically comfort and soothe and expectation to receive the same
  4. Support of explorations of loved ones and expectation of support from them and getting and giving guidance
  5. Physical and mental entrainment/synchronization with loved ones which creates a sense of belonging
  6. Ability to trust & trustworthiness
  7. Generosity
  8. Self-acceptance and acceptance of others
  9. Forgiveness

The strength based traits are comprised of (drawing from Jeffrey Young’s ‘healthy adult mode’, Dan Brown’s ‘best self’, and The Third School of Cognitive Therapy’s metacognitive skills).

  1. Healthy self-definition (knowing who you are and what you are about)
  2. Assertiveness
  3. A well developed sense of agency (internal locus of control)
  4. Well developed ability to explore
  5. Healthy self esteem
  6. Metacognitive skills (reflective function, mentalizing etc)
  7. Stress tolerance and emotional self-regulation abilities
  8. Discernment

What you will gain

By the end of this course, you will have

  1. better self-esteem
  2. better self-definition
  3. a greater sense of agency
  4. greater stress tolerance
  5. greater access to positive attachment states; love, compassion, and delight in others
  6. better metacognitive skills.
  7. a clear understanding of how best to show up in close relationships and a greater ability to do so

Who this is for

This course is for people who want to develop their both their personal strengths and also become a secure attachment figure for others.

This course is relevant to all three insecure attachment styles: dismissing-avoidant, anxious-preoccupied, and disorganized (fearful) attachment.

Note: we will take a break on Monday 26th December. The course will resume as usual the following Monday.

 

This course draws from the following sources:

  • Jeffrey Young’s Schema Therapy, especially Dr. Young’s “Healthy Adult Mode“
  • Dan Brown’s work on self-development
  • Dan Brown and David Elliott’s Ideal Parent Figure Protocol (IPF) / Three Pillars Model
  • David Bernstein’s list of characteristics of the Healthy Adult Mode
  • Ericksonian Hypnosis
  • The “8 C’s” of Dick Schwartz’s IFS
  • Attachment Theory
  • Bruce Ecker’s Coherence Therapy
  • Mentalization/Metacogntive therapies (Fonagy, DiMaggio, Liotti)
  • Buddhist Visualization Meditation
  • Buddhist Heart Practices:
    • Loving Kindness
    • Compassion
    • Appreciative Joy
    • Equanimity (Equanimous Love)

Extras

We plan on running a pilot study on this course.  Course participants who sign up before the start date will be given an initial assessment and a post course assessment so that you can track your progress.

The before and after assessment will help you track your improvement on these qualities:

  1. Self-esteem
  2. Self-directedness (clarity on who you are)
  3. Self-agency (sense that you can get things done)
  4. Ability to plan
  5. Stress-tolerance
  6. Felt-sense of safety
  7. Ability to trust & trustworthiness
  8. General baseline mood
  9. Attachment Security
  10. Self acceptance
  11. Sense of safety
  12. Anxiety level
  13. Generosity

There will also be an optional practice pod that you can join with three to five fellow students in the group.

A commitment to a 30 minute daily meditation practice of the preceding meditations assigned in class is part of the course.  Moreover, for those who are interested, we will also facilitate finding a one-on-one meditation practice partner that you can meet with outside of class on a daily basis, if you wish.

Course Curriculum

The course is broken up into 8 classes

Lecture Outline

  • Self-development (self-definition, agency, stress tolerance, self-esteem)
  • Positive attachment states: be the "good parents" to self, others, and the world
  • Meditation Embodying the qualities of secure attachment (Becoming the Secure Attachment Figure))

Primer on Attachment Theory

Starting with the end in mind: experiencing the capacity to be a secure attachment figure makes becoming one much easier.

Reviewing different lists of Secure Attachment and Ego Strengths:

  1. Traits of secure attachment
  2. Ego strengths

Lists of Strengths:

  • 8 C’s of IFS
  • Positive Schemas of George Lockwood
  1. love towards self and other
  2. compassion towards self and other
  3. sympathetic joy towards self and other (delight in others & rejoicing in self’s positive qualities)
  4. desire to protect others and expectation that loved ones protect self
  5. ability to attune to others and the expectation of attunement from others
  6. ability to physically comfort and soothe and expectation to receive the same
  7. support of explorations of loved ones and expectation of support from them and getting and giving guidance
  8. physical and mental entrainment/synchronization with loved ones which creates a sense of belonging
  9. Practicing generosity
  10. Self-acceptance and acceptance of others
  11. Forgiveness

Guided meditation going through above list taking via this frame work:

  1. Discovery of the negative schemas (mistrust, abandonment, misattunement etc)
  2. Integration of them, seeing how this cam from early childhood experiences and is not due to defectiveness of self.
  3. Transformation (building up the positive traits listed above) (a Coherence Therapy Framing)

Guided meditation on Self acceptance

What is Metacognition

Seven Skills:

  1. Interest & curiosity
  2. Identification
  3. Differentiation
  4. Relating Variables
  5. Integration
  6. Decentration
  7. Mastery

Guided meditation for developing metacognitive skills

Lecture Outline

  • Understanding who you are and what your interest / purpose is
  • Investigating the negative schema first (lack of self-definition) and then the positive juxtaposition of knowing who we are

When we don’t know what we want in life, when we lack a mission in life often depression ensues.

We’ll focus on figuring out who we are and our lifes direction in this class.

Individual qualities of your best-self and strengthening them.

Then we’ll map out your mission in life based on these qualities.

By recognizing and developing these qualities we unwind the “enmeshment & underdeveloped self schema”.

Lecture Outline

  • Visualization meditation to develop greater self-agency along with tools for coping with inevitable obstacles and stresses on the path

Learning to plan out your goals and execute them.

Having an impact on

  1. others
  2. the material world

Developing better emotional self regulation skills

Understanding how they are the positive opposite of dependence and incompetence and failure to achieve schemas.

 

 

Lecture Outline

  • Beginning to develop self-esteem through imagining oneself as a source of happiness for others

Being delighted in and thereby develop better self-esteem.

Holding high self esteem in situations where it is otherwise difficult.

Lecture Outline

  • Delight in others (sympathetic joy) and expectations that others delight in you
  • Access to other positive attachment states with others: loving-kindness and compassion
  • Assertiveness and having an impact on others

Visualizing:

  1. others delighting in you
  2. access to love and compassion from and towards others
  3. having an impact on others

Miscellaneous Notes

Please note that his course is an experiential-exercise focused course. A 30 minute daily meditation practice commitment is required (again we will support you with accountability systems)

There will be time for Q&A and spot coaching.

We will be doing deep work. For that reason please feel free to take a break at any point.

Register

Practice Pods

Participants in this course have the option to join a practice pod. This is an informal group of 3-5 students who meet, usually once a week, to listen to a guided meditation, discuss difficulties in practice, and share insights and progress. Connecting with peer learners in this way can keep you motivated, consolidate learning, and create a sense of community.

We'll also set up one-on-one meditation buddies for daily practice for those who want it.

We can't guarantee placement into a practice-pod for late sign ups, but we will try our best.

Who is this for?

This program is for those of us who...

  • Want to become a secure attachment figure for others
  • Want to become a more valuable romantic partner, parent and friend to others
  • Want to develop that actual individual traits like
    • ability to protect others
    • compassion
    • forgiveness
    • ability to attune
    • ability to soothe
    • ease with physical closeness
    • ability to support others explorations
    • delight in others
    • ability to lovingly guide others
    • generosity
  • Want to develop our ego strengths like
    • self definition (knowing who you are, knowing what you are about, valuing your own opinions, )
    • better agency
    • better planing abilities
    • better self-esteme
    • better stress tolerance
  • Are looking to improve our psychological health, especially those who have tried other healing modalities with disappointing results.
  • Have problems with exploration and self development, relationships and emotional regulation

Healing Together

Shared interest and social support can make meditation practice, study, and healing much easier. Make friends in the course on the slack channel and invite friends who you think could benefit to participate in the course.

Benefits

These are some of the benefits you will have by the end of the program

Theoretical Understanding

  • Understand what is means to show up in a secure way in relationship
  • How to develop those skills/abilities/qualities if you don’t have them yet
  • What does it mean to develop your own ego strengths and how to do so
  • A clear practice path of how to develop your own ego strengths and how to develop into a secure attachment figure for others

Psychological

  • A better ability to observe your mind with metacognitive awareness as a result of the mentalization exercises peppered through the guided meditations.
  • Better able to do emotional regulation on the spot in your daily life with ‘micro-hits’ of meditation.
  • Less blame of self or others.
  • More understanding and compassion towards your parts/modes and needs.

For your relationships

  • By becoming more secure in terms of how you show up you will feel more confident about yourself as an attachment figure for romantic partners.
  • Knowing how to apply the qualities cultivated in the formal meditations in daily life (this isn’t a theory focused course rather a practice and application focused course (we aim for real life character development))

Support Structure

  • Opportunities to find accountability partners to meditate with
  • A sense of camaraderie around doing wholesome self-development for the benefit of self and others.
  • Slack group with which to discuss and share experiences and consolidate what you are learning

Frequently Asked Questions

About Participation

Once you sign up, an email will be sent out to you with a Zoom link. It will allow you to access the live classes. A free Zoom account is necessary, and Zoom needs to be installed on your computer before the event starts.
No, this course is open to anyone, regardless of your familiarity with attachment theory or prior meditation experience.
Yes, there is homework every week. Optimally you should listen to the meditation recordings (30 min) daily or every other day. However, while it is optimal for you to do it, the value of coming to class and doing meditation in class does not rely on you having done the homework. You’ll be assigned to a practice pod of 3 to 5 fellow students. It’s recommended that the practice pod sessions be spent listening to the meditation, discussing practice, and challenges.
Signing up late is perfectly fine. Because the course is practice-oriented, you should catch up by doing the practices in your own time. The recordings of the sessions you were not able to attend will be made available to you. You will be able to catch up on the material and do the meditations in your own time.
Yes, and in fact we highly encouraged you to do both.
The course has been designed for live attendance. All recordings are made available to you every week. It allows you to watch the recordings at home and do the meditations in your own time.

Payment Questions

If for any reason you aren’t satisfied, simply contact us and we will send you a full refund.
If you are experiencing troubles with your payment, simply contact us and we will get back to you as soon as we can.
There are other payment methods listed on our donations page. Otherwise contact us for other options. If you lack any ability to make online payments, let us know and we can sign you up for free.

Technical Questions

The recordings will be available for two more months after the course ends.
The recordings will be made available as video and also as audio-only.

If you are experiencing any technical issues relating to accessing the material or live sessions, please get in touch with us. We will get back to you as soon as possible.

We can be reached with our online contact form.

Testimonials

This is what participants of prior courses have to say:

Allison

I am enjoying the Healing Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment course so much! It's blowing my mind, and that's after decades of amazing therapy, EMDR, attachment couples therapy, neurofeedback, inner child nurturing, self-compassion, and many other profound growth experiences. I’m so delighted by how much I'm getting out of the course. Feels like it's a missing piece for me that is so healing. Thank you !

Allyson

THANK YOU!! this is powerful for me, so thank you thank you for sharing your insight. I like how you really balance the “just do the work” attitude with sooo much compassion and empathy for how hard it is. Now I know how to use the immense power of my imagination to heal my most fundamental body-mind-soul mechanisms and have a more joyful, loving life.

Antoine

I’m very happy about the Embodying Secure Attachment Course. It’s good to have a course for people who are well on the way of healing their wounds. Comes at the perfect time for me.

Stu

I’m knowing myself better which allows me to connect in a more authentic way. I am also recognizing the attachment styles better in people I interact with and hammering out what I am really seeking in a relationship. I didn’t realize how important unconditional exploration and expression was for me until this class.

Johnny

I love your offerings. Keep them coming. You have a good capacity to make people feel seen – and also show great respect for us as individuals – in itself that is an healing factor in being in courses of yours! Your humbleness and humour – make every call a killer. Rock on. I like learning about these subjects! Feels very helpful in understanding my problems/reason to part of my suffering. I feel I have grown during the course so far – and or moving in a better direction.

Anon

I’m sure this will seem out of the blue to you, but I was just thinking of things I am thankful for and thought of you and the two Attachment Repair courses of yours I had the pleasure to participate in. I just wanted to say a very heartfelt thank you. I want you to know I really appreciated the kindness and effort you put into that work, and into responding to all of our questions. My exposure to your teaching has been immensely helpful for me.

N.P.

Loved the course and loved this kind of emotional work. Look forward to doing more that you offer. Content was excellent. Meditation around Schema modes went quite deep and uncovered difficult emotions. Doing micro hits has improved some situations that would have gone worse.

Chelsea

I gained an ability to self soothe, meet my needs for validation and feeling seen/heard (which were often unmet in childhood), an overall feeling like I am less alone in my work of healing my attachment. I realize I benefit greatly from an 8 week course with a weekly meeting, I am able to do daily meditations on my own and feel supported in this routine with the weekly meetings. I feel I am actively and consistently working on my attachment repair by being part of a longer course (as opposed to a weekend workshop).

Dani

Thank you for continuing to make these classes. When I am able to attend, they make a really positive contribution to my mental health :)

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Registration

This event is offered on a sliding scale to be accessible to anyone.

Scholarships: Inability to pay is no barrier to taking the class.  Please fill in this form if you need a scholarship and we will accommodate you.
Refund policy: If you are dissatisfied for whatever reason, simply let us know and we will issue you a full refund, no questions asked.

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This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Sophie Brigden 7 Dec 2022 Reply

    Hi,

    Really interested in the course but cannot make Monday evenings at all (London time). Will you be holding the course on any other days in the future?

    Thanks,

    Sophie

    1. Oscar Nugent 7 Dec 2022 Reply

      Hi Sophie, I’m afraid the course will only be on Mondays for the foreseeable future. You might like to enroll and follow along with the recordings. You’ll still be able to join a practice pod and meet with other students if you want. Alternatively you could check out the upcoming Healing with Sublime Emotions course, which will be on Wednesdays.

  2. Apryl Wright 11 Dec 2022 Reply

    Please let me know if you plan to hold any future 8 week workshops after this one as I’m not able to attend this one and I think it would be beneficial.

    1. Oscar Nugent 12 Dec 2022 Reply

      Hi Apryl, we’re regularly running multi-week courses. The next one that will be 8 weeks long is planned for May. If that’s too long to wait, you can register for this one and follow the course with the recordings and still take part in a practice pod with other students. If you’re not already on our newsletter, that’s where you can keep advised of upcoming events.

  3. Laurie Goldberg 6 Jan 2023 Reply

    Hi, I’m interested in joining this course. I could attend 4 live sessions. Will I be able to get recordings of the earlier sessions that I missed right away so I can catch up? Also, I am on disability and unemployed. Is there any way that I can pay less than $80 since I’m missing half the live sessions? Lastly, if I join in time for January 9, will I be placed in a pod? Thank you so much!

    1. Oscar Nugent 6 Jan 2023 Reply

      Hi Laurie, yes as soon as you register you’ll get access to the Course Resources page which hosts recordings, meditations, and slides of all sessions so far. You’ll find a link to the form to join a Practice Pod there.

      Feel free to fill out the scholarship form and, if you are able to donate, you can do here: https://attachmentrepair.com/donations

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Please note: This program is offered for educational purposes only and is not group-therapy, counselling or any kind of other psychotherapy, nor is it a substitute for the aforementioned. The instructor Cedric Reeves is a meditation teacher, not a psychotherapist, counsellor, or otherwise therapist.