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Can you change your attachment style and if so how?

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  • Post published:June 27, 2021
  • Reading time:4 mins read
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Yes, you can. But, there are many important considerations to keep in mind.

Attachment conditioning dictates much of how we behave in relationships, view ourselves, how well we explore our world, and how good we are at emotional self regulation (Brown et al., 2016). This conditioning is largely determined very early on between the ages of six and twenty-four months (and to a lesser degree up to three years). The conditioning that takes place at this time occurs at the procedural or implicit level, which is pre-verbal.

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How to work through the schemas – step by step

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  • Post published:May 5, 2021
  • Reading time:1 mins read
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Here is a brief guideline on how to work through the Schemas.

  1. Identify which schemas you have. We will have an assessment program available shortly, but until then you can get a sense for them by reading through a list of them.
  2. Pick the particular schema that you want to work on.
  3. Activate the schema and come into the mental state by bringing up auditory thoughts, image thoughts and body sensations and emotions that are associated with the schema.
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Biology, Evolution, and Love

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  • Post published:February 19, 2021
  • Reading time:2 mins read
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I watched “My Octopus Teacher” last night. It was so moving.

John Bowlby theorized that Humans like other primates and mammals seek out proximity to the mother for evolutionary reasons, namely to seek safety. This makes perfect sense. You can build a theory of love, connection, and affection solely on the basis of the evolutionary benefits of proximity explained by attachment theory.

In the film, Craig Foster the main protagonist, states that the highlighted kind of octopus has no relationship with mother or father.

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Some notes on the three insecure attachment styles

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  • Post published:February 19, 2021
  • Reading time:2 mins read
  • Healing Modality:

Another quick note about how attachment theory “blames the mom” for everything.

Yes, that’s true on one level. Mom is usually the primary caregiver. And our attachment conditioning comes mostly from the interactions with the primary caregiver.
But, as we discover with meditation there is no self that is apart from others and apart from our conditioning.
You parents did the best they could. They only had their conditioning to inform them. They are ultimately blameless.

Continue ReadingSome notes on the three insecure attachment styles